Grieving the California Wildfires
- Alexis Cunningham
- Jan 12
- 3 min read
Grieving the California Wildfires
How we think and feel about any event creates the “frame” around it, which creates our experience.
We lost our home in the ’93 Laguna Beach wildfire. We lived on Canyon Acres for 22 years, a small cozy, community-minded little street off the Laguna Canyon Rd. It was a special time and place in all our lives. We all knew each other, my children who were born there, grew up in a safe, although a bit wild, and nurturing environment. The children combed the hills, played baseball in our front yard, and formed lifelong relationships, which they continue to nurture after these many years. Two of my best friendships were formed during these years, and we are still in touch frequently, and there for one another when life throws its challenges our way. In many ways, it was the best of times for our families and children. Needless to say, losing our homes that one fateful night completely changed the way we knew our “predictable” lives. The community we held so dear was lost to many of us. It was beyond shocking.
We all respond and react differently to severe, overwhelming, and unexpected loss. The mind cannot fit it all in at once and will try to rationalize and “figure it out,” that’s its nature, but at this time it cannot…and should not be expected. This creates the stage of grief referred to as “denial.” Denial is going numb, unable to think clearly, and feeling overwhelmed and disconnected at times. This is natural, the mind attempts to protect you. This is not the time to “figure” out what to do, it’s time to take it slowly and incrementally. Don’t push, take deep breaths and be gentle with your wounded frightened, and uncertain self.
Allow yourself to open to, and experience the anger and sadness that will arise. Cry as much as you want and need, let it out. Write down your feelings, beat a pillow, whatever it takes. No one needs to be “strong” at times like this, it’s better to be real, and authentic and find others with whom you can be vulnerable. Don’t hide truths from your children, they are far wiser and stronger than you imagine and are in tune with you intuitively, they know you well.
If you cannot manage the paperwork or online investigation of claims, insurance, etc..ASK FOR HELP. Take breaks, and pay attention to your body’s needs. If you’re mentally exhausted that is not the time to be dealing with logistics. If you’re emotionally over wrought it’s imperative to rest and recuperate the best you can.
A word of advice…there’s a lot of information floating out there. I would encourage you to do this. When it appears, take the time to ask…
Is it true? Can I KNOW it’s true? Does it FEEL true? We all know what is true for us, listen to your body, heart, and then the mind.
Above all…please be gentle with yourselves, you can, in reality, only do ONE THING AT A TIME. Step by step, slowly, you will walk into your future. A future that will be different, yes, but also full of new life, love, challenges, and hope.
You and yours will be okay…
Love and Light…Alexis
Transitional Life Coaching
Alexis Cunningham 1/12/2025
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